Firstborn

Jake is such a strange, funny little man. He has said some really hilarious things today, which is typical of most days. Let’s see….

Several years ago, when he was around 6 or 7, we were having a discussion at the dinner table about nicknames. He decided that “Ant” was a good name for him. It’s short for antler, of course. Then he says, “No, how ‘bout Ho, for horn.” Well, it was all we could do to contain our laughter and the urge to roll on the floor. We had a lot of fun with that, even after he decided it was H.O., not Ho. He didn’t know WHY it was so hilarious, but he knew he had made a big mistake, and tried to retract it immediately. Well, we’ve had fun with that many times over the years, and today, when I brought it up, it occurred to me that he may actually talk about that in public at some point, not knowing the reason we all laughed. So, I explained to him that we have fun with that at home, but outside these walls, it means something very different when you refer to someone by that name. When I explained to him the slang meaning, which is nothing like a deer horn, he was pretty embarrassed. I, of course, was laughing pretty hard, glad that he’s old enough to finally get the joke, and I can go on laughing without guilt, and he said, “Mom! You’re putting margarita salt in my wound!” Now, where in the world did he get that? He’s never even seen margarita salt before, unless it’s in passing on the shelf at the grocery! That kid just remembers too much that he hears and sees!

Now, I have to hurry up and finish this before he gets out of the shower. If the kids see me on the computer, typing furiously after they’ve done something I really laughed at, they KNOW they are being betrayed to the world via the blog. It’s like a four-letter word here… the BLOG! Muhahahahah!!!

Okay, so I was cutting his hair a few minutes ago. (Yes, again. I know it’s horrible, but I just don’t have time to take them anywhere, and it’s too expensive! I’m cheap!) I really was trying my hardest to do exactly what that stylist did and make it look fashionable and debonair, but somehow, he ended up with what he thought looked like a bowl cut. It really isn’t that bad, just not what he’s been wanting lately. It’s certainly no Percy Jackson, I will admit. He gets up off the stool and looks at his reflection in the window and says, “Mom! I look like a Yeti!” Oh, my poor, poor son. I told him not to worry… haircuts never look good the first day… or the second. By next week, it will be much better, and we’ll see what we can do with the styling products. (You know, the all-natural mousse I get from the health-food store.) So, if you see him before it looks decent again, please don’t ask him if his mom cut his hair. In my defense, he talked endlessly about Star Wars the whole time, with details you can’t possibly know unless you’ve seen all six movies AND read fifty of the cheesy Star Wars paperbacks from the library, like the correct spelling of the names, so it was a little difficult to concentrate on his hair.

Oh, on a side note, we are having seared Ahi tuna steaks with wasabi butter, collard greens, fresh green beans with new potatoes, and salad tonight. Cue salivary glands… I know, that was cruel.