I would like to ask you for some does for my husband. You know, like, female deer. He’s been really good this year, going to work, spending time with the kids, and being very loving and attentive to me. Will you please send him two or three medium to large-sized, tender-fleshed does so he will stop going hunting? I would really appreciate it. I’m SO thankful that he gets to go do something he enjoys, and I’m even more thankful that it puts meat in our freezer with some left to share, but I miss him. And the toilet needs to be fixed sometime before deer season is over. He’s already gotten a nice buck, a spike, and a turkey, but without those does, he’ll keep right on going. He’s sleep deprived from all the early mornings, and I can only handle so many nights of processing meat in my kitchen-turned-butcher-shop. I know that you must not get to hunt, since the season comes at your busiest time of year, so I have enclosed pictures of this season’s trophies. Oh, and if you could bring those deer cut and wrapped, that would be even better!
As for me, I’ve made it easy on you and bought my own gifts. I know that you and the elves are super busy these days, since toys have gotten so much more complicated, with all the lights and sounds and motherboards, and you have to unpack all those parts shipments from China, so I went ahead and took care of myself. That’s just the kind of person I am, always thinking of others, so consider that my gift to you! I even opened one early, so that gift morning can be about the kids, you know. It worked out well for everyone, because that new black purse matched my outfit perfectly on Sunday.
Have a great weekend, and be safe. There are a lot of crazies out there!
Sincerely,
The Lone Apron
(That’s my superhero name, but you’ll probably have to look up my real name when you go to mark me off your list.)
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